Open Question: Do You Have Bi-dar?
The first of some open questions we're putting up for you to answer is this. Do you have bi-dar? Some people swear by their gay-dar, but what happens on the spectrum between gay and straight. Can you tell?
posted by bi the way at 11:13 AM
9 Comments:
I too have never heard of the bi-dar, but being bisexual myself..i think i have a very good gaydar.
No, I don't. That's why I haven't gotten any!
Yes, I have a bi-dar. I agree with nika--it's in the eye contact.
I've heard of bidar though only because I'm so involved, most haven't. In as much as there is gaydar, there's debate about that, there is bidar. It might require some clarification of what exactly is meant by each term.
It's clear that, at the least, some people can sense sexuality of others, and it's not about all the stereotypes. It's not foolproof, there are misses and probably positives, and the acumen of gay/bi -dar varies with each person. It's impossible to confirm everyone an individual sense in order to quantify the accuracy. Study results vary, but generally indicate there is "something to it".
I know those that have gaydar and bidar, they have correctly sensed it without overt signs, and sometimes before the subject themself knows it. Certainly in many cases before they admit to anything or are out. I too can do this, sometimes it's immediate and only requires an quick look or even a photo, and other times the sense develops as more time is spent with the person, more observations are made and synthesized, and the person becomes better known.
Eye contact is huge, as are other subtle mannerisms and nonverbal ques. The eyes and face themself can be revealing, even without noticing where the eyes wander, with who and how eye contact is made, and how long it is maintained. It's difficult to pinpoint exactly how it works, it's an intuitive process in which the eyes do play a large role.
There's also subtle cues from behavior as well as what is said and how it is said.
Some stereotypical things such as gestures and stances, timbre of voice and lisp, clothing, interests, and can be suggestive and do have at least some legitimacy, but are nothing more than indicators. The subtle stuff is more reliable. For bidar, again the eyes belie all and what and who one talks about, how ones says it, and the general openness are telling. The opposite can also be true, overcompensation can clue in.
So, I have bidar, and it works at least sometime, but I don't know how many hits and misses there are. I can say that when I'm confident, I'm essentially never wrong, and this confidence does sometimes transpire instantly or fairly quickly or take time but stem from subtle (impossible to articulate intuition) indicators.
I have a blog called Bidar that covers bisexuality in the media. You can check it out here http://www.biwriters.org/pages/embeddedblogI.html
I have pretty good Bidar-- I have met bi people on subway platforms, at work, at a yoga ashram, etc.
I have also used my bidar to keep a list of famous bisexuals in history that can be seen here http://www.biwriters.org/pages/famousbisexualsI.html
I look at who people check out and I listen to what they say (and subtext to what they say). I suppose this gives me some sort of "bi-dar".
I tend to assume people are bi frequently- apparently I am wrong sometimes.
i read ppl well their sexuality music tastes job etc
i can sort just tell who its worth flirting with.
wouldnt call it bidar.
I could honestly say that bidar definetely exists. At least its worked for me everytime i've used it. And for some reason, it works and picks up alot omre when i'm slightly intoxicated.
All the guys i've sussed out as bisexual have turned out to be bi or just straight with a little topping on the side. I've even found bisexuals who thought they were straight... So in conclusion, bidar does exist. And like everyone said, majority of it is in the eyes
Though i may have bidar cause i'm bi, i cannot tell when someone is gay...
OK, I've dated about as many openly bisexual women as I have dated straight ones. I have dated more bisexual men than gay ones. Could I have a sub-conscious bi-dar and I'm seeking out like-minded people??
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